Archive for June, 2013

Fun With Doctors

June 17, 2013

I wasn’t there for all the fun stuff that happened at the hospital. But the really cool incidents were told and retold so many times they became legendary. In fact over thirty years later, at one of our first patient reunions, hospital brothers, sisters, and nurses alike were retelling the same legends. I wish I had been there when this one happened.

 

The hospital had a studio apartment for a resident doctor. It was situated in close proximity to the boys ward located on the east end of the hospital. I suspect this was to reduce response time for medical trauma unrelated to our disabilities. For instance one Saturday evening while getting ready for our Boy Scout meeting, I was knocked unconscious and needed stitches. I still have the scar right between my eyes. Maybe this had nothing to do with the location of the doctor’s apartment but boys will be boys, prone to fat lips, black eyes, and bloody noses.

 

So this one doctor, whose name escapes me, liked bridge and taught a few of my hospital brothers to play. They’d play in his apartment. They went down there so much that the imaginary line we were never supposed to cross … moved down the hall to his door across the from the operating room.  It was even ok to go there uninvited to see if he was up for a game.  One kid from Canada was especially good at cards and years later you’d see his name in the paper when he was in town for a tournament. He later played poker tournaments in Los Vegas and we’ve spotted him there on ESPN. He’s the one holding the cards with his feet because he has no arms.

 

One evening nothing good was on TV and game of bridge seemed like a good idea. One of the bridge kids went down the hall to scope things out. They saw him knock on the door, look up and down the hall, check the handle, and slip inside. Pretty soon he slipped back out and returned.

 

“Well?”

“He was asleep.”

“So why did you go inside?”

“All he was wearing was his jockey shorts.”

“What? Did you want a better look or something? Pervert! Pervert!”

“No … I hid his clothes.”

 

This cracked everyone up and when the noise died down a bit they checked to make sure the head nurse hadn’t noticed something was up …  she hadn’t. So they began wondering what he would do when he woke up. They discussed things like hiding in the closet, under the bed, and pounding on the door, giving someone one of those bloody noses, but these all seemed problematic. Finally one kid had an idea.

 

“Let’s make someone faint!”

“That’s crazy, like yelling boo at a little kid?”

“No … my big cousin showed me … I’ll faint … here’s how.”

 

So the procedure was laid out. The fainter hyperventilated with fifty rapid deep breathes. Then as the count reached fifty he was bear hugged from behind right below the rib cage. He was out cold. It worked … he looked dead.

 

“Holy Smokes!”

“Maybe he’s dead?”

“NURSE! MRS THOMPSON!

 

She came running.

 

“What happened?”

“Uh … he fainted!

“Get the doctor!”

 

The doctor showed up almost immediately wrapped in a sheet … like he was headed for a Toga Party. The victim groaned, sat up, and the guys started snickering. Mrs. Thompson now knew something was up and was getting that no-TV-for-a-week look in her eyes. Then she saw the doctor as if for the first time.

 

Get ‘em laughing and you’re off the hook.